I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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