That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
