hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
