That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
