she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
