Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
