YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
