Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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