i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
