P.S. I can't hear my feet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
