I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
