I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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