normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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