i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
