thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
