PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
