It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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