Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
