you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
