I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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