i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
