My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
