at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
