I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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