my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
