Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
