Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
