for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
