WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
