you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
