I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
