so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize