Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
