so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
