Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize