Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
