I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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