nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
