All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
