honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's always time for handjobs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
