I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
