Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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