It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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