A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize