You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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