my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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