Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
