this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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