no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
