Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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