Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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