I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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