Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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