i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
