Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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