i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
