Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
