i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
