So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
