Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
