the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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