Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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