I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize