I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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