I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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