the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
