I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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