On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
