I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
