I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
