Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
